What do you get when have the biggest male (Johnny Depp) and female star (Angelina Jolie) in one film, backed by an Oscar winning producer, Oscar winning screenwriters, and an Oscar winner costume designer?

One would assume the making of a hit, but 'The Tourist' is the complete opposite. It's a total waste of talent.

With a supporting cast that includes Paul Bettany, Rufus Sewell, Timothy Dalton, and Steven Berkoff, the real winners out of this colossal mess is the cinematographer John Seale, who beautifully shot Paris and Venice, and costume designer Colleen Atwood, who dressed Jolie and Depp with gorgeous outfits from head to toe.

Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, who was the 2006 Foreign Film Oscar winner for 'The Lives of Others,' Jolie stars Elise Clifton-Ward, a puzzling Brit who goes about her business in Paris knowing that she's being tailed by both Interpol agents, Scotland Yard, and others. Seems they are after her lover, the elusive criminal Alexander Pearce, and when he supposedly sends her letter informing her of where to possibly meet him, the cat and mouse game begins.

This is where Frank Tupelo (played by Depp) enters the picture as Elise was instructed by Pearce to find a poor sap that looks like him and use to divert attention from the government officials.
Frank happens to be a math teacher from Wisconsin and is enchanted when Elise comes on to him aboard a train heading to Venice. What's a guy to do when a striking beauty flirts with normal scruffy looking dude? It's not hard at all to go along for the ride.

Meanwhile, after given the illusion publicly that Frank is Pearce, Frank doesn't know what he's gotten himself into when men with guns are busting his hotel door and looking for him and Elise. They are searching for stolen money Pearce took. Only Elise holds the key to Frank's and Pearce's life, as she's in love with both men.

Not since screen legends Al Pacino and Robert De Niro starred in 2008's 'Righteous Kill,' had we had a film where today's biggest stars are pitted in a film that is in all essence terrible from get go.

Depp, who's been great in most of his films, from 'Benny and June,' to 'Finding Neverland,' and the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' films, is just looks exhausted and barely speaks for most of the film. It's almost as if he were paid to be like the Greek God Adonis and get by on facial expression.

Meanwhile, Jolie, who did wonders with the action packed summer blockbuster 'Salt,' is fine form but isn't given a supporting partner to give the film a boost of energy and live up to its potential.

When the film is written by a couple of Oscar winners such as Christopher McQuarrie ('The Usual Suspects') and Julian Fellowes ('Gosford Park'), how did they let their pens run out of ink? Or did each develop a case of carpal tunnel syndrome?

The only thing worth noting is that the film is beautifully shot, but too bad 'The Tourist' is a just a lifeless, boring romantic mess.